Embracing Melancholia: Notes on a Groove

1. I have a new best friend. Her name is Melancholia. I’ve been avoiding her for awhile, but I’ve decided to embrace her. She’s unlike any other friend I’ve ever had.

2. Is it an oxymoron to be happy when you are sad? But I am, because of Melancholia and the accompanying acceptance and self-determination it brings.  It’s the groove I’m in.

3. I have been a lamenter in the past. I’ve lamented my fits and starts in my vocational track, my lack of advancement opportunities or validation in careers I did choose, my lack of close friends, and I could go on… But the lamenting has turned into acceptance. I accept all that my life is or is not with Ms. Melancholia by my side.  I have determined that I write as a kind of offering to the universe, realizing that among the throngs, I am here. I have a voice. My dash between those significant dates will mean something. I’ve been dipped in the milk of reality, rolled in the seasoned batter of acceptance, and fried to a crispy melancholic brown. Where it was sort of bland before, this new spice has made it quite tasty.

4. Speaking of writing and its purpose…I’ve published one book. I’m working on a second one, but I’m not in a rush to publish it as I was with the first one. Some part of me felt that publishing would be a portal of fulfillment and a caster away of invisibleness. Though spiritually, I strived for fulfillment independent of some outward achievement–easier said than done. Maybe someone yet unborn will read it (and the coming ones) in decades to come and derive some significance.

5. In my car, I have a number of CDs in the changer from artists/groups: Commissioned, Mary Mary, Kirk Franklin, Fred Hammond, and Esperanza Spalding. While I have an eclectic musical palate, gospel (contemporary, traditional, choral) is my biggest love. I keep listening to the same songs. I like the groove. Even Melancholia enjoys it.

6. Kirk Franklin’s “Lookin’ Out for Me,” has a good groove. His call and response brand of singing makes his music endearing and engaging. I love to drop my voice on the part, “Lookin’ out fu-uh may!” (Lookin’ out for me).

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